Homeschool & the Unquestioned Answer of Socialization

Recent times have, understandably, seen an enormous increase in the number of parents choosing to homeschool their children.   The one question both  new and veteran homeschool parents are most likely to receive is,  “How will your kids be socialized?” It is interesting that the much more legitimate questions of what they will study, what curriculum will you use, how will you evaluate, whether you are equipped to teach a lab science, or foreign language, et cetera, typically do not come up. The central persistent question of homeschooling is whether it can approximate or replicate the social development of children provided by being schooled with a large group of peers in a structured school setting. (It is further interesting that the third possibility — that homeschooling could exceed the social development provided by schools — is never even considered.)

Assuming the best of one’s family members, co-workers, and grocery store clerks, let’s treat the question as one of legitimate concern. It is, after all, a valid question. How will the social development of our children change in the homeschool environment, especially considering that the modern school system has been increasingly fashioned to serve as the central social influence in children’s lives?  At the risk of prematurely ending your reading of this article, the verdict is out: There is a significant body of peer-reviewed research that demonstrates homeschooled kids have meaningful social outlets, form meaningful friendships, develop social skills and emotional intelligence, and are just as well socialized as their traditionally schooled peers.

But homeschool families are not off the hook yet. While homeschooling can indeed provide opportunities for socialization as good, if not healthier and more meaningful than other types of schooling, a lot depends on the parents. In fact, the research indicates that parents who restrict social outlets and activities for their children often have poorly socialized children regardless of whether they homeschool. Kids need varied social interaction with their peer group, other-age children, and adults to develop important and necessary social skills.

Healthy Families

Humans are familial by nature. The first social skills are learned in the home. The immediate family and the extended family can provide the majority of social interactions needed to develop. This was the normative model for most of human history. Imagine our ancient ancestors being confronted by the idea of taking a four-year-old out of the home for eight hours a day and placing her in a room of twenty-five other four-year-olds, under the care of two people not even related to her. Chances are they would ask, “Yes, but what about socialization?”

Imagine our ancient ancestors being confronted by the idea of taking a four-year-old out of the home for eight hours a day and placing her in a room of twenty-five other four-year-olds, under the care of two people not even related to her. Chances are they would ask, “Yes, but what about socialization?”

The point is this: For young children, the normal interaction of family life and interaction with extended family, family friends, and the natural social groups that often form among families, covers the most basic needs.  Public, private, and charter schools actually do a remarkable job, given the constraints of not having the family environment to rely on. And, unfortunately for some students whose home is not a healthy place for social development, schools provide an important service well beyond the academic formation of the student. The exception is not the rule, though, and, in most cases, family life can provide the most essential elements of social development.

Broader Communities

Humans are also social by nature. We seek out relationships and find meaning in our lives by sharing life with others. Some of the deepest and lasting lessons of our identity — what fills our heart with joy, what breaks it with sadness — are learned within the context of friendships outside the home.

It starts with crawling. The eyes are elevated, and a new world is seen just beyond reach. Eventually, the child’s eyes see beyond the horizon of your home and will venture outside of it. For some children, this starts at a young age. Their drive for social interaction with people other than you or their siblings must be provided for. boys playingAs a parent, you get to choose, for the most part, what interactions will be the most beneficial for your child. Park days give way to dance classes, to sports, to clubs, to a whole list of possibilities that can enrich the social and intellectual development of your child. Children who consider themselves well-socialized are more likely to have parents who take an active and balanced interest in their extracurricular activities. Not only do your kids need social interaction, but you, dear parents, do as well.  Seek out community. Join a homeschool group, etc. You and your children will benefit from it.

Abnormal Times

While the research is clear that homeschooling does not disadvantage children’s socialization in general, it can often feel lonely. The appearance that everyone else has a thousand friends or goes out each weekend can be a burden for the sanguine child or the broody teen. It is helpful for homeschool parents to keep things in context. Often, activities children think of as standard for their peer group, are precisely those activities that are unhealthy and antithetical to real socialization. Nevertheless, there are very real relationships that children develop in their schools that homeschool children will miss out on — that is, unless parents are attentive to the social needs of their children.

Often, activities children think of as standard for their peer group, are precisely those activities that are unhealthy and antithetical to real socialization.

During this time of pandemic there will be much less opportunity for these interactions, so parents, especially new homeschoolers, will have to be diligent about the social needs of their children. Don’t succumb to pressures for negative or unhealthy social interactions, but rather find new ways to increase or enhance interaction with family and friends. Be attentive to the opportunities they have to form meaningful and deep friendships with other children in or around their age. A few good friends and quality interactions are far more productive and meaningful than lots of acquaintances and fleeting activities, even if your own children don’t realize this. Be honest during these abnormal times about the social needs of your family and your children. Consider classes where they can interact with their peers — online if necessary, in person if safely possible. Call their friends, cousins, and relatives more frequently. Host an appropriately distanced book club or invite other homeschoolers on a hike.

Children playingThe best reason to care about the socialization of your child is not that you fear your child will not be well socialized — fear is powerful, but it doesn’t typically induce effective strategies — but rather because you want your child to develop and flourish. Chances are, the strategies, intentionality, and effort that good parents invest in ensuring that their children have positive friendships, healthy extracurricular activities, and meaningful outside and at-home interactions are valid regardless of how a family chooses to educate their children.

While homeschooling may require more diligence and creativity in how you provide or plan opportunities for social interaction, you have much more freedom to do so. If socialization at its best means being able to respect, engage and cooperate with a diverse group of people and form deep social bonds with others, then homeschooling is not an impediment but an advantage. So, the next time someone asks you about how your children will be socialized, thank them for their concern, and for not asking how you will handle teaching organic chemistry or Russian this semester.

Of the many helpful peer-reviewed articles on the issue of socialization and homeschooling, we recommend the resources of Dr. Brian D. Ray “A systematic review of empirical research on selected aspect of homeschooling” (National Home Education Research Institute, 2017) as well as Dr. Richard G. Medlin “Homeschooling and the Question of Socialization Revisited” (Peabody Journal of Education, 2013).  For further resources visit HSLDA.  Or just talk to a few homeschoolers and see what you think.

"Snap the Whip." Oil on canvas by Winslow Homer. 1872.
"Snap the Whip." Oil on canvas by Winslow Homer. 1872.

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