How to Properly Mount a Horse

Horse-riding has become, over the past several thousand years, an increasingly important skill.  What’s more, horses are the noblest of beasts, and your own personal nobility is directly proporational to the amount of time you spend in their company.  Here are the steps you need to take to get started:

First, get a horse.

Now — position your horse on clear, level ground.  Stand on the horse’s left, near her shoulders, facing her backside. Use your left hand to take hold of the reins and a bit of the mane.  Grip the reins firmly throughout the entire mount so that the horse knows you are present and so that you can gain control if she starts to move, but do not pull hard on the horse’s mouth while she is still.

Take the stirrup in your right hand and put the toe of your left foot into it.  Now let go of the stirrup and grab the horn or pommel.  Do not grab the back of the saddle as it might cause slippage. 

Hop upwards and swing yourself over the horse, like a proper cowpoke.  The word hop is key in emulating said cowpoke and avoiding various catastrophes.  It is important that you do not drag yourself up as though climbing an equine wall, but instead launch yourself with a hopping motion emanating from your right foot. Be sure not to kick the horse as you swing over her.  A mounting block can help.

Slip gently and comfortably onto the saddle and secure your right toe in the stirrup. Your horse and her veterinarian will appreciate it if you remember this word gently and do not slam down on her back.

Orient yourself to the vista from atop your steed, take a deep breath, and say something affirming such as, “atta girl.”

Advanced riders may consider military style mounting instead — the main advantage being the opportunity to click your heals together mid-m0unt.  But do not attempt military without the guidance of an experienced horse person.  Actually, do not attempt any of this without the guidance of an experienced horse person; there is a fair bit more to it than can fit in the meager digital space I was offered for this explanation.  But definitely do consider spending some time with horses, the noblest of beasts.